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Bootlegs

by Ben Holland

subscriber exclusive
1.
Queen of Spades. Snow was falling steady, sky bursting at the seams Three Gamblers played a game of death in 1817 Lilly was an orphan, an unwanted baby girl Abandoned at a station she came into the world Brought up in a brothel where the wretched came to smoke Who laughed to hear when ‘Opium' was the first word she spoke Jonah was a gambler he was born to hold a card With a smile quick and warm, with a heart cold and hard Raised without a mother by a crooked drunken wreck Who’d leave his boy for days often tied up by the neck His father never liked him beat him black and blue for sport And all the scars and broken bones were the only lessons taught If the bottle didn’t kill him Jonah surely someday would But his liver beat him to it and he shut his eyes for good He watched his Father dying, no tears, no word, or prayer He didn’t even dig a grave just left him lying there Now old enough to chose to, he joined the national guards By day he played at killing, by night he killed at cards One night he heard them talking of a woman long ago Of a card playing Countess, one he’d like to know They said she was a devil, A demon with a deck She’d leave opponents broken, sometimes swinging by the neck They said she had a secret, three cards to beat them all She’d beaten barons and crippled kings, even helped a nation fall Jonah’s listened closely, he heard the Countess lives He’d transfer to her county and her secret would be his The Countess of Boldino was the rich and worthy kind Made beggars out of Princes, more than one had lost their mind But her days of youth were long gone, in her heart it only rained The fires of love were over, only ash and dust remained She never wanted children, took too much time and care But she knew her years were numbered and she’d yet to name an hair She called out for her driver and they took a trip to town They searched the darkest corners of the darkest streets around They were just about to turn, in put off by the rain They saw a flower in the gutter and Lilly was her name The Countess smiling kindly said 'I’ll free you from this mess' And back inside her chambers, she received a servants dress You’ll one day earn my fortune, till then you’ll have to serve If you think a title comes for free, my dear you have some nerve The seasons passed like dancers, still the Countess made no will But Lilly kept her patients; she had a role to fill She lived behind a window, inside a velvet room In service to the Countess, she withered in her bloom Jonah now a soldier in the Countess’s pay He’d yet to make his move, but this could be the day Through the Countess’s window, he saw a girl his age He pulled his pen and paper and with lies he filled the page He waved up to the window and got down on one knee He slid his card beneath the door for she would be the key The letters soon were flying and spoke of love and ties Lilly’s all so sweet and true, Jonah’s a pack of lies The agreed upon a meeting at the big midwinter ball They’d wait till every single soul was drunk inside the hall The wait seemed almost endless but the day was finally here All she longed to tell him she could whisper in his ear Lilly took a silken dress from the Countess’s past She braided up and bowed her hair, she’d feel real love at last You’re dressed above your station said the countess with a glare I pulled you from the dirt but you’ll always be down there I’ll let you shine for tonight, tomorrow there’s work to do Oh this strange ironic life where I rely on you All the Lords and Ladies came in the fashions of their day They twirled and talked of politics and drank the night away The Countess made a speech, took a bow, and left the room Lilly left the latch off and with this she sealed their doom Jonah followed after, subtle as a snake All that he’d been scheming, now close enough to take The Countess saw him creep in, she didn’t turn around She was taking off her make up in her golden dressing gown 'I’ve come to learn your secret' said Jonah with a gleam 'And I’ll shoot you in a heartbeat if you even think to scream' The Countess like a statue, her face seemed so serene Her body was as still as ice, eye’s distant in a dream Jonah took her shoulder, the Countess dropped her head He felt her neck for signs of life but the Countess was dead He ran and climbed the staircase and opened Lilly’s door He scowled without a word and he paced across the floor 'I’ve saved myself in waiting' said Lilly looking pale 'I see you have your doubts, but my love will never fail' No shred of guilt felt for her or the body lay below 'This world’s just filled with empty lies' he said and turned to go 'Your Mothers less than living took her secret to the grave All my plans are wasted so there’s nothing here to save All my efforts useless and all my struggles vain Don’t preach to me of love or I’ll teach you of my pain' He went back down the staircase leaving Lilly’s tears behind 'I hate to play the common thief but I’ll rob the dead dog blind' He found her as he left her, heard barking from the yard But in her hand he newly saw three upright playing cards The three, the seven, the ace of spades, lay face up on her chest He smiled and this was all he stole tucked inside his vest Jonah looked back at the corpse, it winked a wrinkled eye He laughed it off and left the scene, he’d seen the old dear die 'Blood for blood' said Lilly low, and stood up from her bed 'I’ve nothing left to live for now my only reasons dead Foolish heart that loved a man as cruel as fire to skin I’ll take a walk and pay the debt for it's wicked fatal sin' The frost a cloth of diamonds lay gleaming on the ground And from an empty heaven the snow came falling down She lay down on the cold earth and felt her sad heart slow And soon her sobs and pain were gone all buried in the snow Jonah ran in laughter through the wind and through the cold He burst into the tavern said 'I’ve come to claim my gold' He swaggered to the table, they shuffled up the pack And all upon the three of spades he placed a golden stack The three indeed the winner and Jonah drew a crowd He bet his life upon the seven so certain and so proud The seven did come after, a fortune now secure His head said take the money, his heart said go for more I’ll bet you everything I have, all on the ace of spades And I could buy a kingdom for all the games I’ve played Silence covered everything, and no one moved a hair The dealer moved in closer and the last card cut the air He turned the third card over, sweat streaming from his skin The card was the queen of spades; it winked its eye at him Jonah’s heart exploded in a beat skipped fifty years He died that very instant, no time for grief or tears So on that bleak midwinter night, three gamblers lost and gone But people come and people go, and the snow keeps falling on.
2.
Keep me sane 02:38
3.
Feli 04:32
The bridge ahead is burning and the way behind is lost My lovers lips are smiling but her eyes are filled with frost My weary heart is sinking it's broken as the dawn That pours its poison light upon my faded uniform Oh, and that pretty smile I see you through the window beside that willow tree Oh how hard that I could fall, how easy it could be You could make me say it, but I've said those words before All it ever got me was the wrong side of the door Oh, from that pretty smile Yellow sun go sinking and red moon on the rise Last time I saw it swimming in those big brown eyes But I will never be again the boy you left behind The boy who shut his eyes for you, the boy who loved you blind Oh, for that pretty smile I know that you have suffered and I know you've had it hard You did your time in paradise, you screamed and you got barred A black wind then blue you all the way to me And nowhere with you is always somewhere to be Oh, with that pretty smile For all that I have fought for and all that I have lost For all that I've been breathing and for all the coins I've tossed None of that matters half as much as this Than wipe those weeping eyes of yours and give your smile a kiss Oh, that pretty smile
4.
Belle Isle 02:40
One evening for pleasure I rambled to view The fair fields all alone Down by the banks of Loch Eiron Where beauty and pleasure were known I spied a fair maid at her labor Which caused me to stay for a while And I thought of a goddess to beauty Bloomin' bright star of Bright Isle I humbled myself to her beauty Fair maiden, where do you belong? Are you from heaven descended Abiding in Cupid's fair throne? Young man, I will tell you a secret It's true, I'm a maid that is poor And to part from my vows and my promise Is more than my heart can endure Therefore I remain at my service And go through all my hardship and toil And wait for the lad that has left me All alone on the banks of Belle Isle Young maiden, I wish not to banter It's true I come here in disguise I came here to fulfill our last promise And hope to give you a surprise I've known you're a maid I love dearly And you've been in my heart all the while For me there is no other damsel Than my bloomin' bright star of Belle Isle
5.
Meet me in the morning, 56th and Wabasha Meet me in the morning, 56th and Wabasha Honey, we could be in Kansas By time the snow begins to thaw. Little rooster crowin', there must be something on his mind Little rooster crowin', there must be something on his mind Well, I feel just like that rooster Honey, ya treat me so unkind. Well, I struggled through barbed wire, felt the hail fall from above Well, I struggled through barbed wire, felt the hail fall from above Well, you know I even outran the hound dogs Honey, I'll outrun your love. Look at the sun sinkin' like a ship Look at the sun sinkin' like a ship Ain't that just like my heart, babe When you kissed my lips?
6.
Is your love in vain. Do you love me, or are you just extending goodwill? Do you need me half as bad as you say, or are you just feeling guilt? I've been burned before and I know the score So you won't hear me complain Will I be able to count on you? Or is your love in vain? Are you so fast that you cannot see that I must have solitude? When I am in the darkness, why do you intrude? Do you know my world, do you know my kind? Or must I explain? Will you let me be myself? Or is your love in vain? Well I've been to the mountain and I've been in the wind I've been in and out of happiness I have dined with kings, I've been offered wings And I've never been too impressed All right, I'll take a chance, I will fall in love with you If I'm a fool you can have the night, you can have the morning too Can you cook and sew, make flowers grow? Do you understand my pain? Are you willing to risk it all? Or is your love in vain?

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released June 8, 2017

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Ben Holland London, UK

Staying one step ahead of my feet.

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